KINDNESS OVER CONFLICT

An older disabled gentlemen walked into our offices for a scheduling appointment along with his spouse with anger in his face and a scowl on his mouth.  They had come to the offices to appeal the area where the family must move to temporarily due to the renovation project that will see the home they live in renovated as part of the RENTAL ASSISTANCE DEMONSTRATION PROJECT (RAD), a project that was designed to renovate the entire 6,100 units of public housing in El Paso, Texas through Public-Private Partnerships to ensure the future of the public housing and the ability to serve the nearly 6% of the population of El Paso for which the Housing Authority serves. 

The family was not happy about the area we had assigned them for the temporary relocation and wanted to move somewhere closer to the area in which they currently lived. Our portfolio was limited, and we had to assign them to a home that was about 8 miles north of where they currently resided. The main concern the family had was that, among other things, the move would put the family farther away from the border crossing they would take every weekend to watch the gentlemen’s beloved “Lucha Libre”, (Wrestling) in Juarez, Mexico.

We knew this was going to be a potentially difficult conversation and myself, and my relocation manager, George Navarro, and key relocation staff were there bright and early to cordially greet the family as they came to our offices to discuss.  We shook hands and offered drinks and introduced ourselves. The family refused any drinks and stared at us as an adversary and not as an ally. Suffice it to say, we could feel the disdain coming from both and maintained a friendly and respectful tone and demeanor throughout.

Mr. Sanchez (Not his real name) was very upset and immediately went into the details of why the move was upsetting them. George countered by thanking the family for coming in and asked about how they were feeling. (Mr. Sanchez suffered from several ailments due to advanced age (He had a cane for walking and a motorized wheelchair for prolonged trips about) as well as the fact that, he was once a “Luchador” back in his day.) 

George commented on his love of professional wrestling and began to comment on how he used to enjoy watching the 80’s greats such as Hulk Hogan, Randy, “Macho Man” Savage, and Andre the Giant, to name a few. The moment we began speaking of wrestling, Mr. Sanchez entire demeanor changed! There was a spark in his eye. I shared that I use to box and enjoyed wrestling. 

Mr. Sanchez lit up and began to talk about the many bouts he had fought in in Juarez. He proceeded to regale us with stories of his victories and his injuries. When his wife interjected after about 20 minutes when there had been no discussion about the appeal to be relocated elsewhere, he said quickly to her, “It’s OK, we’ll take the house they offered us, not let me finish this story.” Mr. Sanchez proceeded to share more stories. Each time, George would listen with interest, ask questions about his greatest victories, and what his favorite moves were. At one point, Mr. Sanchez asked George to stand up and showed him how to deftly step on the foot of an opponent while pushing him at the same time to take the opponent to the ground. Though Mr. Sanchez moved gingerly from place to place, in those moments, it seemed to us that he was once again the powerful and proud Luchador he had once been. Mr. Sanchez continued to speak about wrestling for another 30 minutes or so. We spent about 50 minutes talking about wrestling, and another 10, or less on their new assignment. 

George was kind, attentive, empathetic, and focused on the needs and conversation of the client. He wasn’t concerned about being right, only about finding resolution. He maintained friendly eye contact and indulged Mr. Sanchez as he instructed George on the finer points of wrestling. George had truly put on a master class on client engagement and emotional intelligence. I dubbed him, “Jorge the Hero” for deescalating the situation and working to have the client pave his own way to a solution. 

A few days later, the couple returned to give us both a gift of Luchador masks in thanks for our support and kindness. George’s empathy and kind interactions not only helped defuse that situation, but the manner in which we treated the family spread by word of mouth to other residents who were feeling apprehensive about their moves and allowed for smoother and quicker acceptance of their temporary residences as well as let them know that we were truly committed to helping our people.

George and I went to the family’s home the day of the move to ensure things went well and worked to ensure they had a pleasant moving experience.

About a year later, we came to find out that Mr. Sanchez had passed away. We were all deeply saddened to hear of his passing. We also thought about how we had all felt about our interactions with Mr. Sanchez that previous year and how we were glad that we had turned what could easily have been a very negative experience and poor representation of our organization, into a positive one, and one, thankfully, not filled with regret. For, if we had allowed the emotion of the day to also carry us down a path of anger, not only would we have escalated the situation, but we would also be filled with regret that we had not been kinder and more patient with Mr. Sanchez.

It has often been said that in times of crisis, anger is a poor counselor. George knew his customer and:

• Listened intently to his concerns
• Maintained positive demeanor and engaging eye contact
• Indulged the client as he reminisced of his glory days in wrestling
• Allowed the client to choose his own path, which happened to be the one we had hoped he would choose. 



To watch the news, one may not think that kindness over conflict is the order of the day, but I believe that it is, that people are better, kinder, and more compassionate than they have ever been…. but stories of kindness don’t sell the news to make a quick buck for the day, however, stories and acts of kindness are ones that reside and resound in our hearts for a lifetime. You are my Hero, Jorge! 

“I shall pass this way but once; any good therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again-.” Unknown