LEADERSHIP LESSONS I LEARNED FROM MY MOTHER

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” John Maxwell is credited with this wonderful quote which is at the heart of leading, teaching, or coaching.  I believe, if you don’t care about people, you should not lead them.  John Maxwell , a leadership author and speaker I have followed and read for years, has been doing a series sharing the lessons he learned from his father, who passed earlier this year. In that vein, I would also like to share a few nuggets I learned from my mother, who passed inn 2015.

A question I would often ask of leaders is, “How would you feel if the people you loved and cared for the most were being led by you, in the manner you are leading, within the environment you are creating, the respect you are giving, and the empathy and compassion you are showing? If they hesitate, look uncomfortable, or answer, “fine!”, I would ask some follow up questions about how they might better work to create a more optimal environment. This is true…every person who walks through our doors is someone’s mother or father brother or sister… family or friend… much loved and they are deserving of the best possible leadership and guidance we are capable of delivering. When people feel better, they perform better. And if we are working to ensure optimal outcomes, it starts with treating, leading, and guiding our people well.

I recently heard from a teacher who helps high school age kids learn vocational skills that she takes a very “managerial approach” to teaching the kids and doesn’t use humor or too much personal interaction in this module because, “Managers won’t care about them, only about what they do.” It was not my place OR class (I was merely a substitute assisting a large group) I paused, took a breath, and moved on to help some of the other kids. As I thought about this, I thought about my mother. She was a very successful educator for over 3 and a half decades. Success, in this case, means that the children performed well on their standardized tests, learned well, achieved good grades, BUT, more importantly, loved to learn! They loved to learn because they loved my mother. They loved my mother because she loved them…

My mother taught elementary school throughout her entire career and loved every minute of it and because the children knew she cared about them. When she opened her heart to them, they opened their mind to her and allowed her to teach them. This may seem counterintuitive because the kids are supposed to learn. But what a child is supposed to do versus what they actually do, depends largely on their mindset. When someone cares about you, invests in you, and loves you, there is a higher probability that that investment of love will pay dividends in their efforts.  I realize that this is NOT always the case, but truer than not, in my experiences. Colin Powell also has a wonderful quote about the impacts his parents had on his life, he says in his book, “My American Journey”, “My parents did not recognize their own strengths. It was nothing they ever said that taught us, I recalled. It was the way they lived their lives, if the values seem correct or relevant, the children will follow the values. I had been shaped not by preaching, but by example, by moral osmosis.”  I know my mother had a most positive impact on my sisters and I as I know she did for the children she taught.

I know that the people we serve in our employment are NOT children, however, when we show genuine care and compassion for them, they work to do more than expected because the leader, in showing that care and compassion for them, is also doing more than expected. Here are a few Lessons I learned from my mom:

1.     Care about what you do! If you don’t, it will show, and your people will know. And if you don’t care, why should they? If you genuinely don’t care, as John Maxwell has also said, “Change your attitude or change your address.”  My mother loved when she did, and it showed. You can codify a process but NOT love.

2.     Care for whom you do it. “Systems become dated. Buildings deteriorate. Machinery wears. But people can grow, develop, and become more effective if they have a leader who understands their potential value.”- John Maxwell. My mom loved the kids she taught, and they knew it and felt it, and worked hard daily to show it through their efforts.

3.     Reward the right behaviors and NEVER allow toxic leaders OR employees to remain just because “They’re the only ones who know the ________ (place item of record here, i.e., process, system, vendor, etc.,)” Train and develop others to mitigate bottlenecks or failures in processes so your “toxic experts” don’t hold you hostage. My mom NEVER allowed one or two troublesome kids to derail efforts for the others. She connected with them and their parents, held them accountable and helped them to try and understand that what they were doing wasn’t helpful to them or the other students. It most cases in worked, in others it did not, she made these efforts no matter the circumstances because she deeply cared for the kids and wanted to see them succeed.

John Wooden said it best here, that, “Those I led were my extended family. And love is present in every good family. You must truly care about the lives and welfare of your team members, and demonstrate it with concern and support within a disciplined environment.” My mom exemplified this every day. There is an old saying that says, “To know her is to love her”, and my mother was loved so very much…

So, the question remains, “How would you feel if the people you loved and cared for the most were being led by you, in the manner you are leading, within the environment you are creating, the respect you are giving, and the empathy and compassion you are showing? I would hope the answer is “Great!”, or “Fantastic”, but if you recognize there is some opportunity for improvement, I hope you take some time to reflect how you might work to create an environment and conditions that better serve your people. My mother is gone, but the lessons…and her love…live on.